Delve into more reading about Self Esteem and Self Confidence at The Guide to Self Help Books!

A Twelve-Step Plan for Building Self-Esteem

A 12-step Plan for Building Self Esteem

1. Stop beating yourself up.

Let go of regrets, self-blame, and all the things you should have done. The past is over. Today is where you are. Give yourself credit for being interested enough to read this blog post.

2. Take care of yourself.

Remember what they say on the airplane about oxygen? Read more

Confusion: Have You Ever Been Lost?

Calming Confusion

It’s easy to panic when you’re confused, especially if the stakes are high. Don’t know the answer to a GRE or SAT question? Knowing that your performance on the test likely has an impact on where (and if) you go to grad school or college, it’s a few short steps to getting panicked about it.

Read my blog post, Calming Your Confusion, on how to calm yourself when you’re confused.

Practice Meditation for Self Esteem

Practice Meditation for Self Esteem

In this post I want to continue the theme of cultivating self esteem by developing habits that affirm the self. One of the most powerful self-affirming habits is the practice of meditation. There are many different styles of meditation – the kind of meditation you do is less important than that you do it!

The most basic form of meditation is to simply pay attention to your breath. Breathing naturally, with eyes closed, just notice the physical sensations of the air moving into your nostrils, filling your lungs, and then flowing out of your body. Continue to focus on your breath, and repeat through several cycles of inhalation and exhalation.

An important side effect of this practice is relaxation. Read more

Building Self Esteem through Affirmative Statements

Building Self Esteem Through Affirmative Statements

When you are faced with a daunting task it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s easy to express discouragement, doubt, dismay, fear and other negative emotions through negative self talk. Examples:

“I can’t do this.”

“There’s not enough time/money/hands to do this.”

“I don’t know how and I can’t learn how to do it.” etc. Read more

The Habit of Self Esteem

The Habit of Self Esteem

Self esteem is more than a feeling – it’s a habit. It is possible to systematically build healthy self esteem. Like most habits, it takes a commitment and some practice. I remember visiting my dentist who told me I needed to change my brushing practices in order to keep my gums healthy. It feels odd to change something you do the same way every day. But, for several weeks, I took care to brush my teeth in this new way as my dentist instructed. Now the new way has come to be habitual, and I do it without a lot of conscious thought. Now it would feel odd to do it the old way!

Self esteem results from treating yourself well. Read more

The Evil Elf, or how my negative thoughts sometimes threaten to derail me

The Evil Elf

I’ve noticed accumulating fears about my Novel Writing Workshop, that begins in about a month. When I signed up for the workshop I was excited about finally getting the guidance I need for my fiction writing.

The creeping fears since then come from the scary questions the evil elf persists in whispering into my ear: “What if you have no talent? What if you just can’t write? I don’t think you know how to tell a story. You just pull together a list of ‘interesting’ fragments and put it out there and leave it to the reader to piece together. You can’t close the deal!!!”

The ugly munchkin is shouting by now. And he’s traded the questions for accusations.  Read more

Is High Self Esteem a Symptom of Low Self Love? Reply to Alex II

Returning to Alex’s comment, I want to address the question of high self esteem/low self love.

“How similar is self-esteem to self-love? As I ponder this, the more I think about the construct of self-esteem the more I see it aligning with the ego. I’m not suggesting this is a bad thing but I can see how high self-esteem could hide some of the symptoms of low self-love. Perhaps there’s a difference between high self-esteem and healthy self-esteem.”

The “high self-esteem” Alex is referring to I would characterize as an expression of the false Self. Read more

How Similar Is Self Esteem to Self Love? Reply to Alex I

In a recent comment, Alex asks:

“How similar is self-esteem to self-love? As I ponder this, the more I think about the construct of self-esteem the more I see it aligning with the ego. I’m not suggesting this is a bad thing but I can see how high self-esteem could hide some of the symptoms of low self-love. Perhaps there’s a difference between high self-esteem and healthy self-esteem.”

These are great questions! To me, self-esteem is a synonym for self-love, meaning having a positive connection to the Self. Read more

Healthy Self Esteem

Healthy Self Esteem

What would it be like to not worry about what others think of you? Or to no longer compare yourself to others, whether it’s about the clothes they wear, the car they drive, their job, career success, or their marital status?

What would it be like not to worry if you are making the “wrong” choice? What if you could live without self-doubt? What if you no longer had that persistent feeling of not liking yourself?

What if you could let go of nagging self-criticism — those voices in your head that clamor about how worthless or disorganized or stupid you are?

These hypothetical possibilities “come true” when you move from low self esteem to healthy self esteem. Read more